Opening Up A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

[Read] ➵ Opening Up A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships By Tristan Taormino – Relationship expert and bestselling author Tristan Taormino offers a bold new strategy for creating loving lasting relationships Drawing on in depth interviews with over a hundred women and men Openin A Guide Epub Ü Relationship expert and bestselling author Tristan Taormino offers a bold new strategy for creating loving lasting relationships Drawing on in depth interviews with over a hundred women and men Opening Up explores the real life benefits and challenges of all styles of open relationships from partnered non monogamy to solo polyamory With her refreshingly down to Up A Guide to Creating MOBI :ò earth style and sharp wit Opening Up PDF \ Taormino offers solutions for making an open relationship work including tips on dealing with jealousy negotiating boundaries finding community parenting and time management Opening Up will change the way you think about intimacy.Opening Up A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

A Guide Epub Ü Tristan Taormino is an award winning writer sex educator speaker filmmaker and radio host She is the editor of anthologies and author of seven books including her latest The Feminist Porn Book Shades of Kink An Introduction to BDSM The Secrets of Great G Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation The Ultimate Guide to Kink Up A Guide to Creating MOBI :ò BDSM Role Play and the Opening Up PDF \ Erotic Edge and Take Me There Trans and.

Opening Up A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open
  • Paperback
  • 346 pages
  • Opening Up A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
  • Tristan Taormino
  • English
  • 09 January 2016
  • 9781573442954

10 thoughts on “Opening Up A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships

  1. says:

    May I start this review off with a somewhat snarky anecdote?My friend Jenny and I were on the train and she started to read The Subterraneans by Jack Kerouac for about 2 minutes before she got frustrated and switched over to reading her NYS driver's instruction manual We lamented over having a mutual distaste for the Beats and I joked At least that book will get you on the roadWhich is sort of how I feel about The Ethical Slut in comparison to Opening Up The former was a great entry point in to the discussion of alternative non monogamous relationships but it took reading Opening Up to realize how lacking ES really is Where ES succeeds is in it's bravado a tongue in cheek lifestyle driven manifesto However Opening Up provides much substantial material in putting the wheels on the ground and navigating non monogamy in a pragmatic way I found pretty much every chapter crucial to opening up my understanding of the endless possibilities of relating to friends lovers casual playmates soul mates and The case studies never became repetitive but rather added various textures to the narrative voice Personally I have a strong dislike for self help checklists and tables in a book but I found the various inserts in each chapter to be relevant and user friendly I don't have much criticism about this book It's been treating me well and I'm glad I was recommended it

  2. says:

    Taormino provides a much needed update to the subject Unlike other authors who have tackled the subject of open relationships Taormino makes the argument that polyamory can be non sexual and such relationships are as valid and important as those with a sexual component Clearly written without being dogmatic instructive without being preachy Taormino's book could possibly topple The Ethical Slut from its place as the definitive book on open relationships Read it if you're curious currently practicing or just intrigued by the many and varied ways that human beings relate to each other

  3. says:

    I’ve been waiting for this book for a decadeI read The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A Liszt in 1998 but found the information they provided rather basic I’ve waited ten years to read something even enlightening and instructive Tristan Taormino has made my wish come true with Opening UpForemost I appreciate the writing style that Taormino choose for this book Her writing is clear and incisive not coy or sensational and never obscene or vulgar Her goal is clearly to educate and she hits the mark throughout making this book appropriate for people from a variety of backgroundsThe body of the book is organized into twenty chapters in three sections Several of the chapters include exercises or checklists to help readers explore boundaries desires and expectations Some chapters have boxes with additional information Comments from real people in open relationships emphasize many points made by the author These uotes give authentic illustrations to the ideas the author is asserting and permit the inclusion of multiple viewpoints Many chapters end with a profile of people in an open relationship further allowing individuals to speak for themselves I appreciated being able to witness the experiences of various peopleSection 1 Choosing an Open Relationship gives histories of different types of open relationships tracing swinging to parties in Hollywood in the 1930s and gay bath houses as far back as the 1920s This portion of the book also explodes the myths of nonmonogamy offers numerous uestions for self reflection in order to help readers decide if they want to pursue open relationships and gives ideas about what emotional skills and ualities are necessary for such partnerships to succeedIn Section 2 Styles of Open Relationships there are chapters dealing with partnered nonmonogamy swinging polyamory solo polyamory polyfidelity and monogamousnonmonogamous and monopoly combinations Each approach is considered thoroughlySection 3 Creating and Sustaining Your Relationships is the longest portion of the book This section covers designing open relationships jealousy and other intense feeling common challenges and problems of open relationships finding community being open about one’s lifestyle change raising children safer sex and sexual health and legal and practical issues among other topicsThe book ends with a notes section so the reader can investigate the research used by the author There is also an extensive resource guide which covers books; conferences and events; GLBTueer resources; local and regional organizations online groups listserves and communities; international resources; magazines; national organizations; professional directories; research and activism; and spirituality resources The only thing missing from this section is an index which would be a huge help in finding a specific topic uicklyAll in all I highly recommend this how to guide to anyone considering an open relationship or just wanting to learn what nonmonogamy is all about This book will answer uestions address fears and help individuals decide how they really want to organize their romanticsexualintimate relationshipsReview by Chantel C Guidry

  4. says:

    Basically the Strunk and White of polyamory One of the best most comprehensive guides to the topic from all angles Extraordinarily great advice filled with real world experience and extremely easy to read

  5. says:

    This book is for anyone looking for ways to make their relationships stronger Yes the book is about open relationships non monogamy polyamory etc But throughout the book Taormino has so many powerful suggestions and insights into navigating any kind of relationship whether it's monogamous non monogamous or something elseAt several points throughout the book Taormino does validate monogamy as long as it's a conscious choice made by both parties in the relationship That said the book really pushes the ideal that open relationships are usually much healthier because you're forced to communicate I disagree I've known some people in very unhealthy drama filled open relationships; people who lacked self awareness and strong communication skillsThat said I do believe that with patience and practice anyone can successfully explore open relationships especially if they follow the advice found this bookTaormino works hard to show the good the bad and the ugly of open relationships With real people providing real examples from their own lives you're exposed to a wide variety of relationships problems solutions and personal obstacles as well as how they are working to overcome themThroughout the book Taormino stresses the importance of honesty communication flexibility and patience She is clear that there are many rewards and pitfalls to approaching relationships this way but ultimately having the freedom to grow and change within a relationship is the bottom lineOpening Up is a fantastic resource full of real world information that is down to earth approachable and wide open to interpretation Each relationship that you have will reuire different expectations and rules and create new experiences What Taormino really wants everyone to understand is that it's up to you to negotiate what will make you happy in your various relationships so get clear on who you are what you want and always allow room to change and growNone of us are stagnant What we wanted 10 years ago probably isn't what we want today Our relationships are the same way they evolve and change as our experiences shape our realityOpening Up is a fantastic book for challenging assumptions considering alternative approaches to common relationship problems and exploring open relationship models in the real world

  6. says:

    My first introduction to ethical non monogamy was via the Han and Matt Know It All podcast which unfortunately is no longer active and I now also listen to Multiamory which provides research based relationship advice that mostly applies to both monogamous and non monogamous relationships Both podcasts when they bring up polyamory focus almost entirely on the emotional aspects of loving multiple people so I was a bit thrown for a loop with how much this book focuses on sex In retrospect I should not be surprised as Taormino is apparently a sex educator who typically writes about porn orgasms and kinks than about non monogamy Although she does profile individuals who have multiple romantic partners she spends way time than I expected talking about BDSM and kinks and who's playing with whom and seems to primarily see non monogamy as a way to fulfill sexual fantasies that your primary partners are unwilling to indulge in and makes it almost a side note that sometimes people become committed to one another and end up in multiple long term relationshipsThe book's primary selling point I would say is its thoroughness; although there is a heavy focus on sex Taormino is pretty comprehensive in going through all the different styles of non monogamy and then going through all of the practical considerations from coming out to safe sex to parenting Based on the reviews it seems that's a reason a lot of people would recommend this book for those interested in non monogamy However I'm not sure that all of her recommendations are good ones She recommends drawing up very formal detailed agreements when embarking upon non monogamy and lists a bunch of different factors to consider when making your rules Han and Matt have talked about how it's not realistic to make a rule that you can have sex with others but can't have feelings for them which Taormino thinks is a reasonable rule to make and that you will just dump someone if you accidentally have feelings for them and the Multiamory podcast has talked about why setting up rules is not a great idea which Taormino semi acknowledges by saying you should abide by the spirit of the law and not what's literally written in your very detailed contractMy main annoyances with the book were less to do with the actual advice given and to do with the style in which it was written which felt to me like the breezy writing of a blogger who did a little bit of research and now just wants to share a bunch of thoughts without being particularly careful about her words I recognize that the world has come a long way in 12 years and that I myself might have made the same mistakes in 2007 but they grate just the same Using the word transgendered Only mentioning someone's race or ethnicity when they're not white Speaking as if everyone who realizes they're bisexual automatically wants to go off and find partners of another gender The assumption that all mixed orientation marriages are non monogamous The complete absence of any mention of asexuality Taormino writes as if interviewing 125 non monogamous people for this book provides all ualifications needed to write about every topic that intersects with non monogamy particularly the LGBT community And on top of that the book predates the legalization of same sex marriage in the United States by 8 years so everything around that topic is outdated anywayIn the grand scheme of things my nitpicks are relatively minor and clearly a lot of people have found this book helpful It's written as a guide for thinking about opening up a relationship for the first time so it may be less helpful to those who are well into non monogamy and looking for advice about navigating specific challenges For that — and for monogamous couples as well — I recommend the practical and research based Multiamory podcast

  7. says:

    This book spends enough time and energy talking about BDSM that I wouldn't be comfortable giving it to my parents Which is too bad because it's otherwise a pretty balanced discussion of how different nonmonogamous relationships function If you flip to the stats in the back you'll discover that about 60% of her interview sample self identified as kinky so it's not surprising that it keeps coming up I guess that's one of the problems with snowball samplingAlso be careful in the safer sex section she's working from secondary sources and repeats at least one incorrect statement about herpes if you get a type 1 infection in your crotch it is still type 1 it does not become type 2I've been successfully poly for years and have spent enough time talking to other nonmonogamous people about their relationships that I didn't really get anything new or interesting from this book I had a nice little chuckle about the ways in which I've apparently been doin' it wrong all this time rolled my eyes at a couple of pet peeves my irk with the whole the reason I want other partners is to meet my unmet needs thing is off topic for this review but man o man and that was about it Had I read it when my partner and I were first opening up I think it might have prevented one or two uncomfortable moments but then again I think the emphasis on trying to figure things out in advance might have been bad for us in other ways So eh I'm not going to go around pushing this on every n00b poly I meet but I would definitely recommend it to someone who already knows that the negotiate rules to address lots of hypothetical circumstances before they happen approach is what works best for them

  8. says:

    I listened to this in audiobook format with my partner It was a great experience and a great medium for discussion Every time anything came up that sparked either of our interests we would pause it and discuss the topic This made for a pretty lengthy process but it was a very illuminating and beneficial experience for our relationship We both identify as polyamourous and have since we began our relationship It was great to see where our ideas of poly lined up where they diverged and where they clashedIt has been about 5 years since I read the Ethical Slut and I've been practicing poly ever since then This book however seems to really be accessible than The Ethical Slut even in the title alone If I had to recommend a how to book on non monogamous relationships to anyone it would certainly be this one I would also recommend they read Sex At Dawn soon before or after this bookThe one major critiue that I have that my partner actually pointed out was that there does seem to be some racial othering in the way the authour introduces subjects in the book She introduces all non caucasians with their ethnicity as part of their short personal bio whereas in many cases which I'm presuming are caucasian this information is not included assumed to be the defaultnorm I hope that this will be corrected in future editions of the bookOther than that item however I highly recommend this book for anyone to develop relationship skills monogamous or otherwise Even if you never plan on relating in any way other than monogamy it is highly beneficial to hear other perspectives and possibly garner acceptance for alternative relationship models

  9. says:

    Although polyamory isn’t a lifestyle I’d pursue I found this book very useful in outlining frameworks and tools and resources for people to navigate and design personal relationships that are bespoke to them to truly feel fulfilled This is especially important when it comes to co parenting—ensuring that you provide a positive experience for your children despite not being in a nuclear family unitOne of my long term goals is to be a better human and an important part to making progress towards that is to broaden my understanding of topics typically classified under Diversity Inclusion Opening Up is a book about relationships in particular non monogamous relationships I would recommend it for people who want to become aware of and challenge their perspective on heteronormative and monogamous scripts who co parent or know someone who is interested in having constructive conversations around the design of their relationships romantic platonic whatever by learning the gift of language to express your needs and desires as provided in this book tools checklists and the author provides a notes section that shares the research she used to write this book; be proactive

  10. says:

    Ultimately this book is dated Polyamory as a general relationship model has progressed and an ethical foundation has been defined that is being adopted This book is sort of training wheel mode and I think could teach bad turns of thinking when applied to romantic relationships rather than just erotic onesAt the time of its publishing this book was current and in my opinion provided a better tone than Ethical Slut even though the content of the two are very similar However at this point in time it just can’t compare with More Than Two by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert Opening Up is ethically pedestrian in comparisonI’m going to start with the book's strong points• The details around swinging are well detailed and very accurate Tristan’s depiction of swingers and poly's are kind and positive and insightful The description of polyamory while a little basic hits the point Although I would argue the her initial definition of sexual and loving is hard to accept in the face of the burgeoning asexual community Polyamory ultimately is really about an emotional connection swinging about an erotic one It's amusing that she does go into great detail about nonsexual poly relationships but this didn't affect her definition • I appreciate the depth in which she discusses MonoPoly relationships She provides many examples with a great deal of variety and tackles emotional and ethical issues surrounding this configuration that are valuable discussion points • The section on NRE is strikingly good • The chapter on coming out is pretty good detailed than what is provided in More Than Two actually In particular some of the common uestions or responses that one might receive when coming out as nonmonogamous The chapter on coming out to children is also very good detailed with a lot of examples Next the weak points• The One partner can't meet all your needs motto that is repeated throughout the book really bothers me It’s not singular to this book it’s actually common poly phrase However for the reader coming to this type of book in search of help because their partner is saying they need a new option other than monogamy this statement is a slap in the face and it’s BS Ok one partner can't meet all your needs sure neither can two or twenty Partner's aren't need filling machines All you're saying to this person in search of help is you aren't enough which is the message they're already telling themselves they need someone to tell them a new message instead • Suggestions that someone should give up one of their partners for another shows a lack of understanding that the feelings of everyone involved have eual value It treats the partner to be given up as an object rather than a person and invalidates the feelings of the person expected to do the giving up Ideas of Honoring your primary relationship are similarly stunted thinking and lack universal meaning This in part is where my interpretation that the book is focused on erotic connections outside of one single romantic relationship is founded• In the chapter on Polyamory the author discusses Primary and Secondary partnerships prioritizing one relationship person over another as a default ethics check and suggests that because there is no established model for Secondary relationships that they must be defined and a consensus made But I would argue that assuming a Primary relationship doesn't need that is a very traditionally monogamous way of thinking and is fallacy and risks introducing problems to that relationship that could have been avoided by approaching all relationships the with the same perspective The examples given in the Negotiations and Potential Issues section of the Polyfidelity chapter are similarly ethically shocking with descriptions of people giving up their agency and rights to their partner's judgment • She confuses the terms V and Triad choosing to call them a V Triad This might be a product of the age of the book and an evolution of terms but a V and a Triad are two very different things• The chapter on Designing Your Open Relationship is a difficult read The suggestions the author makes aren't about personal boundaries many of them are around controlling your partners and disregarding their partners as people The implication is that you own your partner your partner's activities and how they conduct themselves The author also supports the fallacy that you can define a relationship build a box for it before it exists and that it will fit into that box and never grow and that it's not allowed if it doesn't fit into that box It's a terrible way to approach relationships emotional or erotic• In the jealousy chapter there's a sense that some people don't feel jealousy that is a dangerous precedent to set with readersThe author's unwrapping of the concept of jealousy is stunted and incomplete• This next one was shocking to me I had to stop and look through the book to make sure I wasn’t mistaken or jumping to assumptions The story about Samiya on page 214 has a weird insertion of her race that most other stories in the book don't have and is completely irrelevant to her story Gabrielle's story on the next page depicts her race as well again for no reason I saw nowhere in the book where someone's story was describing them as white or Caucasian• On that note Gabrielle's story on page 215 is a terrible example of moving from non monogamy to monogamy Or actually it's a great example but the author used it horribly This woman dumped her secondary partner so that she had leverage to make her primary partner dump the woman he was seeing so they could become monogamous and rebuilt trust in their relationship She complains that their poly community ostracized them for not being non monogamous any What both she and the author are failing to see is that she treated her secondary partner whom she admits she had deep feelings for as an object to be summarily dismissed rather than a human being with feeling who she ostensibly cared about THAT's why they were ostracized they demonstrated that they were unpleasant people and no one wanted to be involved with them • The chapter on STI's has some inaccurate information Not out dated but wrong at the time the book was written as well It's not wholly inaccurate but has some inaccuracies sprinkled in Suggesting that condoms protect against HPV but not completely against HSV is silly and odd They are passed very similarly Both can pass through infected or shedding sites not covered by a condom Additionally the author seems to be confused about the difference between HSV1 HSV2 describing that a partner with an oral HSV1 outbreak can infect their partner with genital HSV2 by performing oral sex They are two distinctly different viruses; that's not possible A partner with an oral HSV1 outbreak could infect their partner with genital HSV1 but not with genital HSV2 The number does not indicate the location; it indicates which strain of the virus it is describing The website her statement references does not appear to hold any such mis information and is a herpes specific website so I can only guess that she misinterpreted what she was reading and read only one resource

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