The Bar Sinister



[Read] ➲ The Bar Sinister By Linda Berdoll – E17streets4all.co.uk Every woman wants to be Elizabeth Bennet Darcybeautiful, gracious, universally admired, strong, daring and outspokena thoroughly modern woman in crinolines

And every woman will fall madly in Every woman wants to be Elizabeth Bennet Darcybeautiful, gracious, universally admired, strong, daring and outspokena thoroughly modern woman in crinolines And every woman will fall madly in love with Mr Darcytall, dark and handsome, a nobleman and a heartthrob whose virility is matched only The Bar ePUB Æ by his utter devotion to his wifeTheir passion is consuming and idyllicessentially, they can't keep their hands off each otherthrough a sweeping tale of adventure and misadventure, human folly and numerous mysteries of parentageHold on to your bonnets! This sexy, epic, hilarious, poignant and romantic sequel to Pride and Prejudice is not for Jane Austen purists Selfpublished inas The Bar Sinister, this sequel continues the story of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy through a sweeping tale of adventure.The Bar Sinister

lindaberdoll, in digital and paperback on and BN Her books are on the shelves of Barnes Noble and available to order through bookstores large and smallReview for The Ruling Passion From AustenproseBest selling author Linda Berdoll's Mr Darcy Takes A Wife and Darcy The Bar ePUB Æ Elizabeth have been hailed as sexy, hilarious, poignant and wild, bawdy and utterly enjoyable Booklist The Ruling Passion, her highly anticipated sequel to the sequels, has finally come to fruition If your sensibilities are offended by explicit, passionate love scenes with Jane Austen's original namesakes, this is presumably NOT the book for you However, those who delight in reading about the Darcys beyond Pride and Prejudice, including all their complexities, and intimacies, in and around the bedroom, and most particularly if you are a fan of Berdoll's previous works, The Ruling Passion is not to be missed! Yes, hold on to your bonnets as Linda Berdoll has quite done it again Christina Boyd of starsIn a change of pace from her Jane Austen sequels, Linda released Fandango in This tale takes place in th C San Francisco In this entirely original work, our heroine, young Annabella Chase comes to learn that it's one thing to go asking for trouble, quite another to offer it a chairWhile researching her Pride Prejudice sequels, she collected a vast store of euphemistic grandiloquence and wove it into a small gift book titled Very Nice Ways to Say Very Bad Things.

The Bar Sinister MOBI ☆ The Bar  ePUB Æ
    If you re looking for a CBR and CBZ reader continues the story of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy through a sweeping tale of adventure."/>
  • Paperback
  • 465 pages
  • The Bar Sinister
  • Linda Berdoll
  • English
  • 10 March 2017
  • 9781402202735

10 thoughts on “The Bar Sinister

  1. says:

    Let's face it, we are all idiots when it comes to our OTP (one true pairing). We want to see them in love. We want to see them live their happily-ever-after. I don't know about you, but I would happily read about Valek and Yelena setting up house and living in domestic bliss. It's not fucking boring, dammit. It's love!

    The same goes for Darcy and Elizabeth. I don't give a fuck that they don't do anything. Hell, they're already in love! There's nothing else there but reading about them making googly eyes at each other. I don't care! I love them! I'll read about them taking 1000000 walks together if it means I see the two of them together.

    As I said, readers are stupid when it cones to their OTPs. That, my friends, is why I read Pride and Prejudice fan fiction.

    And that's why I enjoyed this book. Yeah. You heard me. This book has so many haters and I don't even care. It is terrible. I don't even care. Darcy and Elizabeth do nothing but fuck like bunnies throughout the book. I don't even care. They're my OTPs. That's all I want. To observe them living out their fairy-tale romance.

    Allow me to write a poem to this book.

    They fuck in the countryside, they fuck in town
    They fucked so long and hard that it ruined Elizabeth's gown
    They fuck in bed, they fuck outside
    But who cares, I, for one, will let it slide

    They fuck on their bed, looking into the mirror
    Whatever, it just makes them feel even dearer
    They fuck in his study, and then in her boudoir
    They fuck, and fuck, and then they fuck some more

    They fuck with Georgina in the next room
    They fuck when the weather is sunny, or full of gloom
    They fuck with gusto, with unabashed glee
    And really, that's just per-fucking-dandy with me

    Nothing happens in this book but Liz and Darcy screwing each other like bunnies.

    And I ain't even sorry.

  2. says:

    I was so happy to see that GoodReads allows you to rate something with zero stars! If ever a book merited such treatment, it is this one. This book is so BAD it is unintentionally funny. Very funny. My favorite sentences so far:

    Propitious fortune allowed her to descry whom the crepuscular light yielded.

    The single unseemliness bechanced in her dressing room.

    Whilst still partaking of their meal, Darcy apologised unnecessarily upon the austere winter dressing of his county.

    In the pristine morning light, it was not an inquisition of her configuration he sought (for he had, upon a few occasions long past, perused a womanly portal).

    Believe me, folks, the whole thing reads like this. I am NOT making this up. I was drowning in in a sea of betwixt (82 times) and howbeits (59 times). Many of the sentences are downright be-cramped with broken sentence structure and overwrought language. All things are besoiled, bedewed, begrimed, bechanced. Nothing is ever dewed or grimed or soiled. No one ever sits between two people, it is indubitably betwixt.

    Even if you can ignore the horrible writing, you will be affronted by the sub-par romantic/erotic plotting and descriptions (womanly portals and nether garments, indeed!).

    Thanks to Amazon's Search Inside feature. If you want a good laugh, go there for this book and search on the term nether. The excerpts are exquisite.

  3. says:

    SO BAD. This is just smutty fanfiction that someone was able to get published. Sex (which was done very stupidly) is on every other page and the characters have been given new, and less flattering backgrounds. Mr. Darcy is a well endowed sex god, who has been spreading his love around since he was 16. Elizabeth, while still a virgin, was ready to give it up to Darcy before marriage, and would have, if not for an interruption. I just felt like I was growing to dislike these characters who I have always held in such regard. Austen's characters deserve so much better than this.

    The author seems to have spent some time trying to understand the vocabulary of Austen's time and then dumped every word she knew into every other sentence. Austen's books flow, this book stumbles in vocab overload.

    This book starts with a slam on Austen from Bronte. While it might be true, I can think of better ways to honor such a literary goddess than by fixing her flaws. And as a note to the author, if I was pompous enough to try to fix Austen's flaws, I might have tried to write something a little better than flowery smut. It's called a plot, prechance thou shall persuse its meaning.

    Don't read this book. I would have given it zero stars, but then someone might have taken that as a no rating and been swindled into reading it.

  4. says:

    ...and sometimes, to torture myself, I read sequels to Pride and Prejudice. Hey, it's published fanfiction! How cool is that?

    So, my personal disclaimer is that I don't expect these sequel writers to write just like Jane Austen. I don't even want them to *try.* If they do, they will fail. Period. I would just prefer them to write *well.* It covers a multitude of sins!

    On the book at hand- this was originally published under the title The Bar Sinister, and I did wonder why the title had been changed- until I read it. Because this book isn't so much about whether or not Mr. Darcy has an illegitimate son (to quote a far superior Austen adaptation: As IF!) as it is about the fact that people, Mr. Darcy takes a wife. A lot. All over the place. In various non-sexy and increasingly contrived scenarios.

    As if that wasn't non-stimulating enough, the prose is positively *florid* and convoluted and actually unreadable in parts. I'm not going to go after specific examples, because I would never *stop,* but I would like to take this opportunity to introduce Ms. Berdoll to the word between. Honey, no one is torn betwixt two lovers, they're not betwixt a rock and a hard place, and nobody sits betwixt Bob and Sally at dinner. Okay?

    If it wasn't for the direct quote from Love and Freindship and the vague allusion to one of Austen's letters, I wouldn't even believe that Ms. Berdoll has read any of Austen's work. I doubt she's read Pride and Prejudice. I think she saw the A&E miniseries 97 times, thought Mr. Darcy was hot, and sat down to write the ultimate self-insertion wish-fulfillment fantasy fanfic.

    Which is exactly how this thing reads. Elizabeth gets a thoroughbred horse! Elizabeth gets a huge diamond necklace! Elizabeth gets her portrait painted! And she gets to christen every room of Pemberley with that hot Colin Firth!

    Oops, I meant Mr. Darcy.

    Then, after all the hot monkey lovin', everyone but E&D start multiplying like rabbits all over the place! Mr. Collins is randomly killed off in some strange Rube Goldberg sequence! Elizabeth fires a pistol at Lady Catherine! Who wets herself! Various characters take off to the Poorly Researched War! And the presumed-dead Wickham rides up over the hill on his valiant steed, like a zombie clawing his way out of the grave in a horror movie!

    And speaking of research (No, I'm NOT done yet!), it probably wouldn't have killed Ms. Berdoll to, you know, do some of that. Who the heck is SIR LUCAS? (And on one memorable occasion, LORD Lucas?) You don't have to be an expert on the British peerage to know that a knight is addresed by Sir Firstname, not Sir Lastname. Why, all you'd have to do is consult that pesky source material! Which also would have told the author that Darcy's mother's name was Anne, not Elinor.

    Wait a minute, I take that back. Ms. Berdoll *did* do some pretty extensive research. On Regency slang for naughty parts and the sex act. So at least we all learned something.

  5. says:

    When you want a taste of Tudor England, do you turn to Shakespeare, or do you watch The Tudors? You answer might determine whether or not you would enjoy Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife, a book that tries to hide the fact that it is a romance novel by pretending that it might have been imagined by Jane Austen.

    I can’t decide if this is a bad book or not. To me, there is a time and a place for the trashiness of The Tudors, or The Other Bolyn Girl, or the part of the BBC Pride and Prejudice when Colin Firth climbs out of the pond in his clingy shirt. That time, for me anyway, is when I need a break from whatever highbrow pursuits I might usually undertake. When, in other words, I just want to be entertained by pretty people walking through pretty landscapes, wearing pretty period clothes. And, you know … doing it.

    Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife begins with a note from the author about what a prude Jane Austen was. It offers this “sequel” as an antidote – and that’s the warning sign right there, on page iv. Actually, perhaps the warning sign comes earlier than you realize that you’ve never heard of this author OR the publisher before. You know what that means: other, nobler artists and editors turned this idea down.

    At first, the story doesn’t seem all that bad. The writing is almost kind of quaint: lots of words like “hence,” “solicitous,” and “chastement.” If you’re drunk, maybe you can even convince yourself that it sounds a little like a real Jane Austen book. And it opens with our beloved heroine, Lizzy Bennett Darcy, thinking back on her romantic, lustful wedding night. That’s not so bad, is it? Haven’t you always kind of wondered if they made as good a married couple as they did enemies?

    But then, by about page 18, the references to Mr. Darcy’s “easily agitated male instrument” begin. They don’t stop. And some of the descriptions are almost nightmarish: “manhood” (although, fine, I expected that one), “ampleness of his credentials,” “commodious organ,” “explicit bulge in the fork of his unhintables,” and so on. Yes, on that trashy level maybe it’s fun to read about how well-endowed Mr. Darcy is, (and I'm not talking about his money). And yet, I’m not sure I fully appreciate it. Will I be able to read Pride and Prejudice again without thinking of his “unhintables?” I really hope so.

    My annoyance at the language culminates with the author’s use of the word “compleat.” It’s on just about every page: compleat, compleatly, compleatness, etc. Come on. You are not Jane Austen, you don’t live in olden times – none of us are so confused to believe any of that, so I’m pretty sure you can use the modern spelling.

    Right now, my scales are tipping towards the idea that this book sucks. I just can’t decide whether it sucks so bad that it’s actually awesome.

    P.S. I just read this line, which is tipping the scales towards 'sucks': In discussing Kitty Bennett's propensity for swooning in front of potential suitors, the author says Kitty puts her hand on the back of her forehead. Ok. So, I think we all know what she MEANT was back of the hand to the forehead since the back of the forehead is, what? The brain? But back of the forehead made it into the final draft, the draft that made its way onto a bookshelf. I didn't want to say so before, but now it appears that this book was edited by some livestock. It's called proofreading and everyone from first grade forward is encouraged to do it.

  6. says:

    Someone PLEASE, for the love of god, take away Linda Berdoll's thesaurus. She uses it like holy water to ward off her sinfully atrocious plot and subplots. The tawdry crime of affixing era appropriate colloquialisms (i.e. gel, chit, the ton, the season) should only remain in lower-brow, period romance novels. Not to speak against insipid, salacious romance novels, I am a fan; however Berdoll managed to make a complete mockery of Jane Austen's timeless classic. She has sullied the name of Elizabeth Bennett with talk of quivering manhoods and trembling bosoms and I am sure Austen has made 20 revolutions in her grave by now.

  7. says:

    I'm embarrassed to admit it--this was a totally enjoyable book. Unlike the yawn-inducing Mr. Knightly's Diary this took great liberties with the plot, taking off where the original leaves off.

    First, this is not Jane Austen. This will never be Jane Austen, as Jane Austen is dead. Purists shouldn't be reading Austen fan fic to begin with.

    That said, the author throws down a gauntlet in the forward with a quote from smack-talking Charlotte Bronte who writes that Austen can't write past the wedding, because she herself knew nothing about the physical pleasure that comes after. If you're rolling your eyes just reading this, don't bother with the book. If you're the sort of person who giggles and says Aw snap, Charlotte!, then this is a fun ride.

    The plot is lusty, to say the least. There's a lot of sex here--in quite a number of settings. The language at times is florid to the point of silly, especially the Regency-era sex slang. But one of my main complaints with Mr. Knightly's Diary is that it was a true-to-the-original retelling from a different point of view and exposed a re-imagined side of Knightly that was really unlikable. This shares none of the plot of the original, but is true to who Austen's characters were in the original. In this book, Elizabeth is Elizabeth, Darcy does what Darcy does, and Lydia behaves as we expect her to, etc. I would rather read more about characters I like than re-read a plot I already know.

    I know this book has had TERRIBLE reviews on Goodreads, but I thought it was a fun page-turner with a surprising amount of integrity to Austen's original vision. Mock if you want; I can take it.

  8. says:

    4 Delightful Stars.

    So this book is pretty much a fan faction of what happens with Mr. and Mrs. Darcy after their happy ending in the original book. Since Jane Austen did quite long ago and is not alive to tell herself what happens next, some author decide to create their story themselves. And Kudos for making it sexy!! I’m not telling the story, because c’mon, what living person doesn’t know what this book is all about?
    I’ve read Pride & Prejudice for the first time when I was 7 years old. It was my first romance book and it was the first of many (maaaaaaaaaany) more. I’ve re-read it countless times, until the point of being able to quote some parts of it, and still today is my favorite book. People close to me are always surprised how I can read the same thing over and over again, but f they don’t know the beauty of this book, well, that’s on them.

    description

    I was a little apprehensive to start this “sequelists”, or whatever the hell they are called, books, afraid of ruining my image of the book forever (that was probably why it took me some years to finally start), but let me tell you: I should have started sooner. I understand that some Jane Austen purists will probably hate this, but for me, a lover of all things after the HEA it checked all my boxes. It had a little bit more drama that I would have liked, but overall it was a nice look into their lives as a married couple. And a lot of Mr. Darcy is never too much Mr. Darcy.

    description

    It definitely opened some doors for me, and I will keep reading this type of fan-fictions. After all, if I can have more of my favorite couple, why not?
    If only there was some like this about Persuasion…

    description
    Rating:
    Characters Development: Mr. Darcy is Mr. Darcy, aka the book character that ruined all our expectations for man and Lizzie is her awesome self. There’s really not much to be said. Except for the moment where I almost wanted to beat Mr. Bingley!! And he was one of my favorites!!
    Steam: Heated scenes.
    Sensible Subjects: (view spoiler)[ Violence. Attempted rape. Abortion. (hide spoiler)]

  9. says:

    Trashy fun...totally satisfying! Yes, a trashy book can be satisfying indeed. Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife filled a massive void in my life: what the heck happens to Darcy and Elizabeth after Pride and Prejudice????

    I have no idea how many times I've read Pride and Prejudice. It is at least an bi-annual tradition. I also tend to wallow in a self-imposed gloom if I don't get to watch the BBC's most excellent, divinely-inspired 1995 mini-series Pride and Prejudice at least once a year. Berdoll's book has offended many Austen purists, but I think she did a great service to those of us who are incurably, let's say, imaginative about the future lives of Darcy and Lizzie. The book is long on details, pretty explicit sexually (hence, the offense), and quite melodramatic. Her treatment of minor characters in Pride and Prejudice is wonderful, particularly that of Col. Fitzwilliam and Georgiana Darcy. She clearly loves the story and the characters dearly.

    So, once I finished this book, I immediately read it again. Then I re-read the good parts. Then I read it again. Yes, the void has been filled. I'm sure I will read this book again, maybe every five years or so. Linda Berdoll is not Jane Austen. She does not replace or try to complete with Miss Austen. But, she has my respect for taking her fantasy to print, for the enjoyment of those of us who are like-minded in our adoration of Darcy and Elizabeth and Jane Austen.

  10. says:

    Please, don't read this book, or, if you feel compelled to, please don't tell me you did unless it is with the intent to vent your anger and frustration that such a travesty was ever published. If you do not feel highly protective of Darcy, Lizzie, Jane Austen, and all her writing stands for, you might get some enjoyment out of this book. If you love Jane for her satire and excellent but unforced language, as well as respectable characters, you might be brought to tears or to burning this book.
    Just a few of the myriad problems (and I give Dovey credit for identifying some of these):
    -Horrible sex scenes that have nothing in common with what we would expect from Lizzie and Darcy after P&P.
    -Word choice that is meant to be in the spirit of Jane's language, yet is pretentious and totally misses the spirit of how Jane wrote
    -General behavior that is constantly out of character, including extreme weak-spiritedness and self-pity out of Lizzie; a new, crude sex-maniac, alpha dog attitude from Darcy; and gentle Georgiana running off to become a nurse in France during the Napoleonic War for god's sake.

    If you are looking for nothing more than a romance novel with fancy language and characters who just happen to share names with some illustrious literary figures, you might be pretty happy with your choice. Outside of that, don't waste your time.

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